Today, I was walking on the campus of the University of Houston when I notice a girl sitting on a bench. Usually like everyone else I avoid eye contact but this particular time I did not and spoke. I quickly recognized her from the university’s natural hair group. I was amazed that she had relaxed her mane of kinky curls. My response was “hey, you relaxed your hair.” She said yea, hung her head and apologized. I’m nosy with that said I had to know why. I really admired her curly looks. She sat directly across from me at the last natural hair meeting I attended. I remember how proud and bold she sat with her fro. Now she looked down to the ground and apologized as if she had let me down. She mentioned something about societal pressure and that if she wanted to do it again she would crop it all off and start the process anew. Again she apologized. Why are you apologizing I asked. “ You’re beautiful either way. At the end of the day you have to live and style your hair and no one else.” I continued to affirm her. My sister was truly beautiful. I hope that she is self-aware of her greatness regardless of the state of her hair. If you don’t accept yourself how can you expect others. Don’t walk around apologetically of the glory God has given you, relaxed or natural. It is magnifies the Lord and so should you by holding your head up boldly.
Also, read Your Crown
nice post. I just noticed that I college friend of mine relaxed her hair after years of being natiral. I didn't ask her about it but her new hair is FLY so I don't think it matters.
ReplyDeleteI really like this post! I'm natural (for almost a year now) but not because I thought there was something wrong with having a relaxer. It was getting a little tight going to the beauty shop like I needed so I decided it would be a good time to try going natural. Thanks for a great post!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand her struggle. It's almost a lifestyle change. Either way you have to embrace who you are.
ReplyDeletegreat post...I met with a youtuber today to get a sample of a product...she had finally BC'd...yes you must be confident relaxed or natural. I hope that sista finds some confidence and courage to fight the societal pressure.
ReplyDeleteNice post. I have been relaxer free but transitioned the entire time. Now that I am ALL NATURAL I have more of a chance to do natural styles. I have to tell you though, and im sure you know, it's not the norm in corporate america and I am "cautious"... it's weird. Im about to have a baby and I am doing it naturally, again, not the norm. You seem to have to explain yourself (decision). Sucks--but as long as we (I) am secure in what I am in what I am doing, everyone else has NO CHOICE but to accept it! :) You're the best Lady!!!
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ReplyDeletevery nice post.... i decided to go natural because i go sick and tired of my hair not growing and breaking off I also became tired of my the weave. I have to please me and I love me!!!
ReplyDeleteI love my natural look , my hair has never been healthier !
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am on a rollercoaster. Some days I feel confident about my hair and other days I feel like I have to talk myself into believing my hair is good. One thing I do like is that my husband likes the fact that I am not always worried about him messin up my hair. He can touch it, massage it, and although it is not the type you can run your fingers through, he likes to play with it anyway. That really feels good. But the pursiut of product sometimes leaves me a bit frustrated.
ReplyDeleteYou were a true sister to that young lady. You affirmed her as beautiful regardless of how she wears her hair. I agree with the other comments, relaxed or natural, hair does not define who you are as a person. Personally, I went natural because first of all my dermatologist told me to stay away from the relaxers for a year, and secondly my hair just did not seem to be happy with the relaxer. Yes it grew well past the shoulders, and I kept it wrapped for the most part, but I was not all together happy with it. Natural suits me, and I have never been happier!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you had a positive reaction. You never know how your comments affects other people. Kudos to you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you reassured her that either way--relaxed or natural--she is beautiful and always will be. Hair is an accessory. It should never take over us or how we feel about ourselves. Great article! I just recently made the decision to transition, and I'm ready to embrace my texture. Maybe your friend just needed some change.
ReplyDeleteGlad I happened on this site! I feel like I am an alien sometimes because I live in a place where I have few close friends and don't have the sistahood I used to have when I wore my locks (1980 to 1988). I am natural now and don't forsee getting into a relaxer anytime soon! Like sistah India Arie sang, "I am not my hair". When we locked back in the day it was to make a statement of our freedom to be African, free to look like ourselves and define ourselves. For many dredlocks are just a hair style. . . I don't know if I'll loc my hair again but I am loving the freedom of my natural nappy hair again and looking forward to the length so I can wear some fierce natural do's!!!
ReplyDeleteWow....timing is everything!!! I did the BC on April 1 after being someone the majority of my life that took ultimate pride in their hair! I was known for versitility and pride. Taking this step definately was a bigger adjustment than I expected! I didnt do because my hair was damaged, or because of a revolt against the "creamy crack" revolution...I did it because I just truly LOVE the look, the feel, and the freedom of natural hair. Unfortunately somedays I am able to be proud, and some days I find myself second guessing my decision...but like so many sisters, internally I pray for the peace of mind in knowing, I am beautiful either way!
ReplyDeleteI live in Houston (was born and raised in the Northeast) and have been natural most of my adult life. I don't seem to attract as many brothas down here as I did back home. One of my friends who was born and raised in Houston says to me one day maybe I should relax my hair and get a weave, that way I would attract more men. After my initial reaction of wanting to sock her in the mouth, I was saddened. Not so much by what she said but because of her mentality. I guess that stems from being raised by female family members who drill in your head "you better not cut off your hair, no man will want you". In turn that breeds women not satisfied with who they are naturally and if they can't grow it, they will buy it by the truck load in order to attract men who were raised by the same type of women and are of the same mentality. Well, I refuse to stop wearing my natural hair and if that means my dating pool is lessened, so be it. I'm not gonna settle for a man who does not accept au natural me.
ReplyDeleteI have been natural for 1 year, love the look and feel of my hair in it's natural state. When I walk in a room people notice me and my self confidents. I love being black and natural and it shows... We as black women need to enbrace our lovely hair and deep skin color for we are beautiful in all are glory. God makes no mistakes, he could have made our hair straight
ReplyDeletebut decided no I want their to be beautiful to match their skin collor, he then looked and said perfect.
Great post, I'm actually doing a speech this week on natural hair in my public speaking class and it seems like no one understands what black women go through to feel socially acceptable
ReplyDeleteI am not my hair...but I can style it in anyway to enhance the mood that I am in. I love my versatility. I am a 5'10", 43 year old silver fox sporting an Angela Davis fro. It's saying somethin' and I swagger with pride at my God given glorious crown. I love how free it makes me feel. I won't color or put chemicals in it again, but I am looking to investing in a flat iron. The beauty of the texture of my hair is that it gives me so much flexibility! This really was a great post. It's not a fight of being on one side or the other. It's a mutual appreciation of the beauty we ALL bring to the table. Peace!
ReplyDeleteYes this was beautiful. natural or relaxed you should love your hair. either way! i have natural hair and when i look at my couterparts hair i have to realize my hair will NEVER look like that. even if i get it pressed will only last the minimum of 24 hours! so you should never apologize you have to love yourself and your hair 1st B4 you can accept anyone to love you! it took me a minute to accept this.
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