I Hate This!

Ok so I hate this. People saying "Oh, it looks good on you". Because honestly how can you not look good as your natural self. I don't understand.  But I do understand knowing what you can wear and can not wear. I understand stay away from thing that do not accentruate your features. But how can chemcial free hair be one of them.  Your hair is as unique as your fingerprint. I never hear anyone say I can't wear any other part of their body. I have come to the conclusion that its all in their mind. I once was one of those people who thought I couldn't live without a relax. I had to quit "cold turkey". Initially, I was more terrified of what people would think than anything. After delievance of my fears, I began to embrace and love not only my hair but all of me. God created me "fearfully and wonderfully".

Many people feed into misconceptions of beauty defined by years of an oppressed society. Beauty is not bright skinned with light colored eyes and straight long hair. This is the slave master's definition not ours. Our culture is rich in diversity and what better way to embrace it than individualizing your own definition of beauty.

Who are we to say that kinky, nappy hair is not beautiful. Why can't it be? Honestly, from my experience the nappier my hair the more compliments I get well, from Caucasians anyway.(smile) There is a unconscious self hatred of natural hair within the African American community. If your hair is not relaxed then you're bombarded with word such as nappy and kinky. Forced to overcome myths of unmanageablity and unhealthiness. As well as being conceived as afrocentric and unprofessional in some cases. Which are truly generalizations put on some of us. Going natural for many; is a lifestyle change verse hairstyle.
Once a woman told me "I did that in the 70s. Its hard to comb, huh?"

I said "No ma'am because I dont comb it." To optimize my curl definitation I don't comb my hair. Her response was you have good hair. WHAT!? No, I just know how to take care of my specific hair type. But I can't get mad at this woman's ignorance. She like so many others has been conditioned to believe straight is better, more managable. And that having a small curly pattern is nappy.

Lets educate each other by embrace our own hair and educating ourselves. Where does your hair texture come from? Your mom, dad or grandparents? What are your hair needs?


  1. Years ago I had dreads, and I got so much love from men. Black, white, asian, latin. It was wonderful.

  2. Girl, don't get me started... lol... I'm starting to notice all this more too.

  3. Great post - yeah I get that it looks good on you comment as well as the compliements from 'light skin' as my stepdaughter and niece calls them - people :o)

  4. You're so funny - and right. Just today I wore my 'fro out in its full glory. And you know who complimented me? A white guy. I walked to a market bustling with black folks and not a single person said anything to me. This white guy told me I looked great.

  5. Miss Marche, I understand and there will probably be more post like this.

    Laquita, I'm glad its not just me.

    Makeup Theory, I once had someone in the mall under their breathe say "where she going with that big a__ afro". Jus hate cause that didn't have the courage.

  6. Hey Tamara:

    As odd as it may sound considering America's history, non-Black (mainly White) folks find dark skin and natural hair very attractive. In my personal experiences, they've been far more supportive of going natural than Black folks. To take it a step further, they actually respect "naturals" for going against the grain in this conformist/assimilationist world.

    I live in NYC and there are a lot of "eccentric" and natural types out here so people rarely look at me funny. A lot of times people wanna know what I do to my hair and the products I use. I only get funny looks/stares when I'm outta town.

    To answer your question, I don't know where my hair texture comes from. My mom's actually surprised by my hair texture because she didn't know what was there due to the use of hair relaxers and hot combs over the years.

    My hair needs are moisture, moisture, and more moisture. I recently dyed my hair so I'm doing research on products for color-treated hair.

  7. i support u girl...i think its lame da excuse pple make abt not being able to comb their hair whn in actual fact its not difficult...God knew black pple would suit natural hair dats y he gave Us IT nd i think pple shd appreciate it nd stop moaning abt their beautiful hair.... I am so glad my hair is wat God made it to b...wudn't change it for any other

  8. I can relate to Makeup Theory's experience! When I had a fro...a white male in my class was in awe and actually touched my hair (UNEXPECTEDLY, but that's another topic)...he went on to say how soft it was...as if he was SHOCKED.

    I absolutely hate the stereotypes e.g. rebel, etc.

  9. Anyomiss,

    Thanks for answering the questions. I appreciate it. I think those are so questions that should be answered to assist in the acceptance of our diverse hair textures.


    Gurl, I feel ya.


    I think its funny when people are surprised that natural hair is soft.

  10. Preach! I feel EXACTLY the same way. Took the words right out of my mouth. It is so frustrating that so many African Americans think their hair is unmanageable. How would they know if at the first sight of new growth, they go get a relaxer. Oh and when I got my BC almost three months ago, i got a lot of "It looks good on you" thing. I think short natural hair looks good on anyone who isn't afraid to rock it. And natural hair in general will look good on anyone because HELLO it's their natural hair. *sigh* I just feel everything you said. I could go on forever. lol

  11. C. Janae,

    OMG!!! Exactly!

    Honestly, I was a little scared to put that part about looking good with your own natural hair because so many African American women disagree but hey I'm glad its not just me that feels that way.

    Congrats on your BiG Chop. It takes guts because when ppl say "I can't do it"; they really have a paralyzing fear that inhibits them. So again congrats on being fearless and embracing the all natural,no artifical ingredients, you.

  12. So I'm 5 months into my transition and i'm trying to figure out my hair type. My mother has been relaxing since the beginning of time so I don't know her natural texture and my father always had this silky curly hair (and I thought perhaps it was a texturizer). The other day I asked my mother if my dad used a texturizer and she said no, your father had good hair and you should have that good hair also. Cringe! She went on to talk about complexion and how she didn't used to be this dark and good thing I took on my grandfathers complexion and sigh, sigh, sigh. I ended up having to walk away. She's in her 60's and unbelievable stuck in her ways and ideas. When I try to explain things to her it goes in one ear and out the other. I hate that she thinks like that.

  13. I can dig that...I don't understand it either. In fact I don't think I can rest until every black woman embraces her natural essence and "shakes it out"....


  14. I'm a natural head as well. I get compliments from both sides actually : african american and white and every other race out there.

    but what kills me, is how people assume i'm biracial because I keep my hair natural. almost as if black people with natural hair is always matted and brillo like. They are scared to get to know their hair and see what their hair will look like without chemicals